Mornings Blow

I am not exactly what one would call a morning person, but some mornings are just downright insane. This morning was one of them and I will share it with you here.......





6:29am: Awoken by small fry prying eyelid open and saying, "Mommy, it's time to wake up." Roll over.





6:31am: Feel warm breath on face. Open eye. See small fry 2mm from face. Again, "Mommy, wake up time".





6:32: Get up. Look in mirror. Look again because I am pretty sure it's Medusa in there and not me.





6:34: Uncage small dog and take outside. Get yanked around yard.





6:42: Go to fridge for Diet Coke. For me. Juice for small fry. Get cereal for small fry. Turn on cartoons.





6:45: Get in shower. Realize I only have time for 4 minute shower and no time to shave very furry legs. Shave them anyway.





6:51: Call small fry to get in bath. Denied.





6:53: Call small fry again. Get halfhearted ok.





6:54: Wrestle unwilling child into tub.





6:55 Start makeup. Get interrupted by child. Play in water, get child clean.





7:04 Ask child to get out of tub. Denied.



7:06: Pry screaming, unwilling child from tub.



7:08 Attempt to dress child who is running through the house naked screaming, "NO I DONT WANT TO GET DRESSED" Consider taking child to school naked.



7:11: Wrestle clothes onto screaming, crying, unwilling child.



7:16: Attempt to do child's hair, prey screaming, crying, child from daybed post.



7:20: Receive text from boyfriend asking how morning is going. Laugh like lunatic and text back that I am barreling rapidly toward becoming Mommy Dearest.



7:24: Wonder if 7:25 is too early to add a shot of rum to the Diet Coke.



7:25: Wrestle ponytail into hair of screaming, crying, unwilling child who has surely woken every neighbor in the building.



7:29: Realize I have only one eye made up. Finish makeup while sweating profusely.

7:34: Run to basement to find dress Since I shaved. Trip on cat along way. Dress still in wash. Wear pants.

7:38: Feed cat. Get clawed by ungrateful cat. 3

7:40: Realize flattened hair is frizzing due to sweating from mini WWF match. Turn flat iron back on.

7:45: Wrestle lip gloss from child. Child begins hysterics anew.

7:47: Receive call from extremely mellow boyfriend with sunning ability to calm even the most insane person. Tells me it'll all be fine and to just chill. Return wire hanger to closet.

7:50: Yoga breathing.

7:52: Get dressed. Run down stairs. Trip on small dog.

7:57: Pack lunch.

8:01: Cage dog, get child's backpack, get everything to car. Start car. Realize I have forgotten child's fruit roll up. Cannot handle one more tantrum.

8:05: Sprint back into house to retrieve fruit roll up. Upset caged dog.

8:08: Finally make it out of parking lot and into insane traffic. And I am late. Again.

Putting a moratorium on mornings......