I saw a guy driving down the road today near my place of employment in a really beat up old pickup truck. The bed of said pickup truck was filled with shopping carts. I work in the total ghetto. I am guessing that this dude was NOT doing Kroger a favor and gathering them up for return. He was going about 10mph in this truck. Pretty sure weight was only half the issue.
I love the colorfulness of the ghetto.
While we are on the subject of ghetto fabulousness, check out one of my fave new websites:
www.peopleofwalmart.com
You will pee your pants laughing. I know my mother probably had a word with me at some point about not laughing at other people's expense, but sorry, some people just set themselves up for shit like that. Seriously, I haven't laughed so hard in my life over some of the photos posted on there. The guy that came up with this is awesome.
I wish now that I would have taken a pic of the dude with the carts in his truck. I could start my own ghetto fab website. :)
Lookin' for a new digital camera..........
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
I remembered......
today when I was talking to my girlfriend, that we like to share jacked up shit we see while driving. Here is today's highway tale, though it happened several months back.
Driving down I-71S in Columbus toward the I-71, I-70 split. It is allegedly documented that this is the most dangerous strip of road in the state of Ohio. I have no proof of this, but it does blow driving through there, and it does not help when people hold up the works like today's Winner of the "You're An Asshole Driver" award.......
Traffic going much slower than usual for the time of day in aforementioned area. Finally get into left lane to get around. Note that it is the white P.O.S van 3 cars ahead. Speed up a bit to see what the hell is going on. Look over and see driver (male, but irrelevant) BRUSHING HIS TEETH. No shit. He was doing f**king TOOTH CARE WHILE OPERATING A MOTOR VEHICLE! On the most dangerous stretch of highway in the state. Allegedly. But still. I'm just sayin'.....
Really?
Driving down I-71S in Columbus toward the I-71, I-70 split. It is allegedly documented that this is the most dangerous strip of road in the state of Ohio. I have no proof of this, but it does blow driving through there, and it does not help when people hold up the works like today's Winner of the "You're An Asshole Driver" award.......
Traffic going much slower than usual for the time of day in aforementioned area. Finally get into left lane to get around. Note that it is the white P.O.S van 3 cars ahead. Speed up a bit to see what the hell is going on. Look over and see driver (male, but irrelevant) BRUSHING HIS TEETH. No shit. He was doing f**king TOOTH CARE WHILE OPERATING A MOTOR VEHICLE! On the most dangerous stretch of highway in the state. Allegedly. But still. I'm just sayin'.....
Really?
Things That Suck-ListMania #2
Yeah, yeah. I know I have been out of touch and didn't realize just how long it had been til I logged on, so sorry. I'll leave it at that. But I SWEAR I will get better, because darling BF is all over me to get back to writing.
Here is my most recent compilation of Things That Suck. Let me know your thoughts, feelings, etc. xoxoxoxox
1. Packing tape.
2. Family members who insist on buying my child candy and playhouses large enough to hold a convention in. The playhouse in question is also supposed to be foldable, but I had two physics professors look at it and no one can figure it out.
3. Drivers who come to a complete stop at green lights. This actually happened to me today, and I nearly had "Windstar" permanently embedded in my forehead.
4. Packing to move house. I have done this at least 18 times. You would think I would be a pro by now. I will actually put it off until 2 days before the movers arrive, and then weep openly about how much crap I still have to pack.
5. Mysterious black spots on my carpet. I know its mold. I know there is nothing I can do about it. I know I am grossed out. I know I will never let my child drink anything unless she is standing in the bathtub ever again.
6. Getting up in the dark. Face it, that totally blows.
7. "Quota time" on my work computer. This means that we have 6 ten minute increments each day to get on websites that are "filtered". How am I supposed to screw off at work in 10 minute increments? Professional slackers need much more time than this.
8. Asshole neighbors. I have a few. I am moving. This is the only thing I like about moving.
9. Yogurt. I don't like the word. I don't like the smell. I don't like the icky smudges left behind when my darling daughter uses it as finger paint. On my wood table. That requires Pledge. Which I am consistently out of.
10. Freaking packing tape.
That's all for now, friends. Off to cut off another finger on the edge of a cardboard box. :)
Here is my most recent compilation of Things That Suck. Let me know your thoughts, feelings, etc. xoxoxoxox
1. Packing tape.
2. Family members who insist on buying my child candy and playhouses large enough to hold a convention in. The playhouse in question is also supposed to be foldable, but I had two physics professors look at it and no one can figure it out.
3. Drivers who come to a complete stop at green lights. This actually happened to me today, and I nearly had "Windstar" permanently embedded in my forehead.
4. Packing to move house. I have done this at least 18 times. You would think I would be a pro by now. I will actually put it off until 2 days before the movers arrive, and then weep openly about how much crap I still have to pack.
5. Mysterious black spots on my carpet. I know its mold. I know there is nothing I can do about it. I know I am grossed out. I know I will never let my child drink anything unless she is standing in the bathtub ever again.
6. Getting up in the dark. Face it, that totally blows.
7. "Quota time" on my work computer. This means that we have 6 ten minute increments each day to get on websites that are "filtered". How am I supposed to screw off at work in 10 minute increments? Professional slackers need much more time than this.
8. Asshole neighbors. I have a few. I am moving. This is the only thing I like about moving.
9. Yogurt. I don't like the word. I don't like the smell. I don't like the icky smudges left behind when my darling daughter uses it as finger paint. On my wood table. That requires Pledge. Which I am consistently out of.
10. Freaking packing tape.
That's all for now, friends. Off to cut off another finger on the edge of a cardboard box. :)
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Helllllloooooooooooo
OMG, I know, I suck, but I am here and I promise I have good stuff and I will attempt to make you all laugh at some point........(lovely run-on sentence...am not editing)
So, right, I have been a bit lax in my blogging, but for reasons I cannot mention at this juncture, I have a feeling I will have a bit more time to keep up. Stay tuned for further updates.
No, I did not quit my day job (or my night job for that matter), as much as there are days I would love to. For instance, how about last week when I got into an insane phone battle with a doctor? I have pretty much had it with doctors. I graduated in 1996 with my degree in Respiratory Therapy. I have been treated like shit by doctors since that time. I think we can all agree that 13 years is long enough to be treated like shit by anyone, even those with advanced degrees. So I am on a Doctors-Treating-Me-Like-Shit Boycott. The doctor in question is one with whom our company has done a great deal of business in past years. This particular doctor is also mental. I made several valiant attempts to make him understand that certain insurance companies only pay for things "sometimes" meaning, "not 8 or 9 times a year". He feels that it is my duty as an RT and manager of the department to circumvent said insurance companies and give these patients what he tells me to. However, if I do so, we will not get paid. Not ONE DIME. So he essentially makes a habit of having me give things away for FREE! Well, we can all rest assured that this asswipe isn't giving away one minute of his "professional services" away for free now, can't we? And I am not the State Medicaid office, so I put my tiny little high-heeled shoe DOWN and say, "No, that's it, no more free shit for you!" Apparently, he does not like to be told "No". Nor do I, but as I was taught in my early years, you can't have everything. (I still think that's a crock of shit but that's another story) Anyhoo, shortly after his "Operation Antagonize Robyn Over The Phone" is completed, I start getting phone calls from a competitor. Here is how the bulk of them go:
Competitor: "Hello, did you happen to receive an order for a Mr. _______ regarding a _____(piece of equipment).
Me: "Why, yes, yes I did! Just now as a matter of fact. Why do you ask?" (I know damn well what's coming)
Comp: (slightly smug) "Well, we have just received the same order from Dr.____with a note to ring you and tell you to disregard." (Bastard can't call himself and tell me he is sending my patient elsewhere.....nooooo, to civilized)
Me: (condescending and bitchy) "Oh, no problem, we weren't going to do it as the patient is not eligible through the insurance to receive_______. You do realize you won't get paid either?"
Comp: "I am just going by the notes here."
Me: " Oh, I see. Well, have fun in your next insurance audit. Shall I transfer the records of Mr. _____? Or will they just be seeing you for this one free piece of equipment?"
Comp: "We will call you if we need the records"
Me: "Right-o. Have a beautiful day!"
This conversation happens 5 or so more times throughout the remainder of the day. Now, WTF is this dude trying to accomplish? Because in my mind, the patient loses, having been turfed someplace against his/her will for something he/she may or may not want; I lose because he is turfing my patients to another company against their will and mine, and he gains nothing other than the satisfaction of getting SOMEONE (doesn't matter who) to do what he wants regardless of the consequences. So, dude is on some kind of f**ked up power trip and I am left holding the bag, as it were.
Well, worry not my friends, because I have a plan! Really, when do I not have a plan, but seriously, I am working on Operation Dr. ____ Smackdown!!!!! I have recently gotten word that there is some BIG TIME competition for this guy in town, so I have been gently and happily referring ALL my patients to the competition, who, I must share, is a much more, how shall I say?....APPEALING outfit. So far, I have had good responses from my peeps. They are pleased that said new firm exists and are asking for more info. Haha! This Dr. ________does not know who he is messin' with! I mean, fair's fair right? You send my peeps to MY competition to make YOU happy? Fine, but I'll do you one better and send them to YOUR competition to make THEM happy! And Voila! my patients and I win and I am back to being RT of the Year. :) Ching!
I really f**king hate doctors. Really.
Other than that, I have been packing to move house yet again. Since I left home for college, (in 19**) I have moved approximately 1, 247 times. At least it feels that way. But this go 'round, I have the luxury of time, so I am slowly packing and pitching, then taking said packed items to my new residence (that of my fantastic BF) and storing them until all my belongings are there. Very organized, me.
So, as I mentioned earlier, stay tuned. I have lots to write about and catch you all up on.....back VERY soon.....
Tangled in packing tape....................................
So, right, I have been a bit lax in my blogging, but for reasons I cannot mention at this juncture, I have a feeling I will have a bit more time to keep up. Stay tuned for further updates.
No, I did not quit my day job (or my night job for that matter), as much as there are days I would love to. For instance, how about last week when I got into an insane phone battle with a doctor? I have pretty much had it with doctors. I graduated in 1996 with my degree in Respiratory Therapy. I have been treated like shit by doctors since that time. I think we can all agree that 13 years is long enough to be treated like shit by anyone, even those with advanced degrees. So I am on a Doctors-Treating-Me-Like-Shit Boycott. The doctor in question is one with whom our company has done a great deal of business in past years. This particular doctor is also mental. I made several valiant attempts to make him understand that certain insurance companies only pay for things "sometimes" meaning, "not 8 or 9 times a year". He feels that it is my duty as an RT and manager of the department to circumvent said insurance companies and give these patients what he tells me to. However, if I do so, we will not get paid. Not ONE DIME. So he essentially makes a habit of having me give things away for FREE! Well, we can all rest assured that this asswipe isn't giving away one minute of his "professional services" away for free now, can't we? And I am not the State Medicaid office, so I put my tiny little high-heeled shoe DOWN and say, "No, that's it, no more free shit for you!" Apparently, he does not like to be told "No". Nor do I, but as I was taught in my early years, you can't have everything. (I still think that's a crock of shit but that's another story) Anyhoo, shortly after his "Operation Antagonize Robyn Over The Phone" is completed, I start getting phone calls from a competitor. Here is how the bulk of them go:
Competitor: "Hello, did you happen to receive an order for a Mr. _______ regarding a _____(piece of equipment).
Me: "Why, yes, yes I did! Just now as a matter of fact. Why do you ask?" (I know damn well what's coming)
Comp: (slightly smug) "Well, we have just received the same order from Dr.____with a note to ring you and tell you to disregard." (Bastard can't call himself and tell me he is sending my patient elsewhere.....nooooo, to civilized)
Me: (condescending and bitchy) "Oh, no problem, we weren't going to do it as the patient is not eligible through the insurance to receive_______. You do realize you won't get paid either?"
Comp: "I am just going by the notes here."
Me: " Oh, I see. Well, have fun in your next insurance audit. Shall I transfer the records of Mr. _____? Or will they just be seeing you for this one free piece of equipment?"
Comp: "We will call you if we need the records"
Me: "Right-o. Have a beautiful day!"
This conversation happens 5 or so more times throughout the remainder of the day. Now, WTF is this dude trying to accomplish? Because in my mind, the patient loses, having been turfed someplace against his/her will for something he/she may or may not want; I lose because he is turfing my patients to another company against their will and mine, and he gains nothing other than the satisfaction of getting SOMEONE (doesn't matter who) to do what he wants regardless of the consequences. So, dude is on some kind of f**ked up power trip and I am left holding the bag, as it were.
Well, worry not my friends, because I have a plan! Really, when do I not have a plan, but seriously, I am working on Operation Dr. ____ Smackdown!!!!! I have recently gotten word that there is some BIG TIME competition for this guy in town, so I have been gently and happily referring ALL my patients to the competition, who, I must share, is a much more, how shall I say?....APPEALING outfit. So far, I have had good responses from my peeps. They are pleased that said new firm exists and are asking for more info. Haha! This Dr. ________does not know who he is messin' with! I mean, fair's fair right? You send my peeps to MY competition to make YOU happy? Fine, but I'll do you one better and send them to YOUR competition to make THEM happy! And Voila! my patients and I win and I am back to being RT of the Year. :) Ching!
I really f**king hate doctors. Really.
Other than that, I have been packing to move house yet again. Since I left home for college, (in 19**) I have moved approximately 1, 247 times. At least it feels that way. But this go 'round, I have the luxury of time, so I am slowly packing and pitching, then taking said packed items to my new residence (that of my fantastic BF) and storing them until all my belongings are there. Very organized, me.
So, as I mentioned earlier, stay tuned. I have lots to write about and catch you all up on.....back VERY soon.....
Tangled in packing tape....................................
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Driving is for the birds.
Ok, so I had a hell of a time getting to work today. I live in the "big city" and there is nothing worse than having to drive into the general downtown area (in my case, the 'hood) at 8am. I planned to take my usual route to the office, but was thwarted, again, by insane traffic that jumped off the highway hoping to enjoy a little piece of my coveted back road zone. There is a massive reconstruction project going on here on the main freeway getting into downtown, so I have been avoiding it like the plague, and I get much satisfaction from driving the side road right alongside it and watching the traffic at a standstill. My smug, satisfied attitude however, came to its own screeching halt today when the cars were backed up to Winnipeg on my side route. Soooo, I go to Plan B, right? Well, my ass is thwarted YET AGAIN by this old bag in a late model Toyota Camry who is going 15 MPH under the speed limit through the neighborhood. I get to the main intersection and of course she turns left where I have to go so now I have another 5 blocks of moving like molasses in January. I get to the other main road and of course, she is going the same direction, but now I have 2 lanes so we're good right? NOOOOOOOO, I try to move out into the left lane in a 50 MPH zone and she drifts into that lane and goes 30! At this point I am considering some kind of demo derby action, but I refrain, as my car is leased and I have to turn it in soon. Finally get out and around only to be.....
*cut off 4 times by people who are apparently as late as I am but have complete disregard for the location of my front bumper.
*stuck behind another old bat who had an issue with brake slamming at every intersection. All of them. For 16 blocks.
*jacked up while some gal in a Jeep did her makeup and made me miss not one but two traffic lights.
*sent into heart failure while a drunk that resides near my ghetto fab place of employment stumbles out into the road so I have brake slam/swerve/swear while avoiding sending him to an earlier grave than that for which he was headed. Then he cussed me out for coming so close........
I make it to work and my co-worker parks so close to me that I am wedged in and know I will have to do a 220 point turn to get out and go get lunch. Awesome.
Hiring a freaking driver...........
*cut off 4 times by people who are apparently as late as I am but have complete disregard for the location of my front bumper.
*stuck behind another old bat who had an issue with brake slamming at every intersection. All of them. For 16 blocks.
*jacked up while some gal in a Jeep did her makeup and made me miss not one but two traffic lights.
*sent into heart failure while a drunk that resides near my ghetto fab place of employment stumbles out into the road so I have brake slam/swerve/swear while avoiding sending him to an earlier grave than that for which he was headed. Then he cussed me out for coming so close........
I make it to work and my co-worker parks so close to me that I am wedged in and know I will have to do a 220 point turn to get out and go get lunch. Awesome.
Hiring a freaking driver...........
Friday, June 26, 2009
Mornings Blow
I am not exactly what one would call a morning person, but some mornings are just downright insane. This morning was one of them and I will share it with you here.......
6:29am: Awoken by small fry prying eyelid open and saying, "Mommy, it's time to wake up." Roll over.
6:31am: Feel warm breath on face. Open eye. See small fry 2mm from face. Again, "Mommy, wake up time".
6:32: Get up. Look in mirror. Look again because I am pretty sure it's Medusa in there and not me.
6:34: Uncage small dog and take outside. Get yanked around yard.
6:42: Go to fridge for Diet Coke. For me. Juice for small fry. Get cereal for small fry. Turn on cartoons.
6:45: Get in shower. Realize I only have time for 4 minute shower and no time to shave very furry legs. Shave them anyway.
6:51: Call small fry to get in bath. Denied.
6:53: Call small fry again. Get halfhearted ok.
6:54: Wrestle unwilling child into tub.
6:55 Start makeup. Get interrupted by child. Play in water, get child clean.
7:04 Ask child to get out of tub. Denied.
7:06: Pry screaming, unwilling child from tub.
7:08 Attempt to dress child who is running through the house naked screaming, "NO I DONT WANT TO GET DRESSED" Consider taking child to school naked.
7:11: Wrestle clothes onto screaming, crying, unwilling child.
7:16: Attempt to do child's hair, prey screaming, crying, child from daybed post.
7:20: Receive text from boyfriend asking how morning is going. Laugh like lunatic and text back that I am barreling rapidly toward becoming Mommy Dearest.
7:24: Wonder if 7:25 is too early to add a shot of rum to the Diet Coke.
7:25: Wrestle ponytail into hair of screaming, crying, unwilling child who has surely woken every neighbor in the building.
7:29: Realize I have only one eye made up. Finish makeup while sweating profusely.
7:34: Run to basement to find dress Since I shaved. Trip on cat along way. Dress still in wash. Wear pants.
7:38: Feed cat. Get clawed by ungrateful cat. 3
7:40: Realize flattened hair is frizzing due to sweating from mini WWF match. Turn flat iron back on.
7:45: Wrestle lip gloss from child. Child begins hysterics anew.
7:47: Receive call from extremely mellow boyfriend with sunning ability to calm even the most insane person. Tells me it'll all be fine and to just chill. Return wire hanger to closet.
7:50: Yoga breathing.
7:52: Get dressed. Run down stairs. Trip on small dog.
7:57: Pack lunch.
8:01: Cage dog, get child's backpack, get everything to car. Start car. Realize I have forgotten child's fruit roll up. Cannot handle one more tantrum.
8:05: Sprint back into house to retrieve fruit roll up. Upset caged dog.
8:08: Finally make it out of parking lot and into insane traffic. And I am late. Again.
Putting a moratorium on mornings......
6:29am: Awoken by small fry prying eyelid open and saying, "Mommy, it's time to wake up." Roll over.
6:31am: Feel warm breath on face. Open eye. See small fry 2mm from face. Again, "Mommy, wake up time".
6:32: Get up. Look in mirror. Look again because I am pretty sure it's Medusa in there and not me.
6:34: Uncage small dog and take outside. Get yanked around yard.
6:42: Go to fridge for Diet Coke. For me. Juice for small fry. Get cereal for small fry. Turn on cartoons.
6:45: Get in shower. Realize I only have time for 4 minute shower and no time to shave very furry legs. Shave them anyway.
6:51: Call small fry to get in bath. Denied.
6:53: Call small fry again. Get halfhearted ok.
6:54: Wrestle unwilling child into tub.
6:55 Start makeup. Get interrupted by child. Play in water, get child clean.
7:04 Ask child to get out of tub. Denied.
7:06: Pry screaming, unwilling child from tub.
7:08 Attempt to dress child who is running through the house naked screaming, "NO I DONT WANT TO GET DRESSED" Consider taking child to school naked.
7:11: Wrestle clothes onto screaming, crying, unwilling child.
7:16: Attempt to do child's hair, prey screaming, crying, child from daybed post.
7:20: Receive text from boyfriend asking how morning is going. Laugh like lunatic and text back that I am barreling rapidly toward becoming Mommy Dearest.
7:24: Wonder if 7:25 is too early to add a shot of rum to the Diet Coke.
7:25: Wrestle ponytail into hair of screaming, crying, unwilling child who has surely woken every neighbor in the building.
7:29: Realize I have only one eye made up. Finish makeup while sweating profusely.
7:34: Run to basement to find dress Since I shaved. Trip on cat along way. Dress still in wash. Wear pants.
7:38: Feed cat. Get clawed by ungrateful cat. 3
7:40: Realize flattened hair is frizzing due to sweating from mini WWF match. Turn flat iron back on.
7:45: Wrestle lip gloss from child. Child begins hysterics anew.
7:47: Receive call from extremely mellow boyfriend with sunning ability to calm even the most insane person. Tells me it'll all be fine and to just chill. Return wire hanger to closet.
7:50: Yoga breathing.
7:52: Get dressed. Run down stairs. Trip on small dog.
7:57: Pack lunch.
8:01: Cage dog, get child's backpack, get everything to car. Start car. Realize I have forgotten child's fruit roll up. Cannot handle one more tantrum.
8:05: Sprint back into house to retrieve fruit roll up. Upset caged dog.
8:08: Finally make it out of parking lot and into insane traffic. And I am late. Again.
Putting a moratorium on mornings......
Monday, June 15, 2009
Light At The End Of The Tunnel
Hi All! Sorry about the long delay AGAIN, but I am hoping all will be forgiven at some point! I have been a very busy gal as usual, but the drudge of everyday life seems a bit better now that things are on the upswing.
At last check I was having a date with a lovely guy who I was hoping was digging me. Well, I am happy to say that I am confident he does and I have been having the best time ever since we met! I can only say that he is great, we have a great time together, and we will see where it goes from here. :) To all my single sisters out there, patience is in fact, a virtue. I was totally ready to give up on guys, as they all seemed to be players but I have been proven wrong. The good ones are out there.........and I, my friends, am "off the scene" as it were......
I have come to the understanding that the Terrible Twos are NOTHING compared to Threes. I had been warned, and I did not heed said warning. This, was a mistake. My beautiful angel has turned into a little whippersnapper and I am NOT at all in love with her tone. Princess Sassypants has turned to defiance as her attitude of choice with "No, I will not do that" as her favorite phrase. People wonder why mommies turn to the bottle of wine, I however, know exactly why. Exasperating.
Still dealing with the asswipes who block the local convenience driveway, make illegal lane changes on the highway and call me with stupid questions about why insurance doesn't cover anything, but in the grand scheme of things, it's improving, little by little. Hairy eyeball at the fat guy blocking the drive or not........
At last check I was having a date with a lovely guy who I was hoping was digging me. Well, I am happy to say that I am confident he does and I have been having the best time ever since we met! I can only say that he is great, we have a great time together, and we will see where it goes from here. :) To all my single sisters out there, patience is in fact, a virtue. I was totally ready to give up on guys, as they all seemed to be players but I have been proven wrong. The good ones are out there.........and I, my friends, am "off the scene" as it were......
I have come to the understanding that the Terrible Twos are NOTHING compared to Threes. I had been warned, and I did not heed said warning. This, was a mistake. My beautiful angel has turned into a little whippersnapper and I am NOT at all in love with her tone. Princess Sassypants has turned to defiance as her attitude of choice with "No, I will not do that" as her favorite phrase. People wonder why mommies turn to the bottle of wine, I however, know exactly why. Exasperating.
Still dealing with the asswipes who block the local convenience driveway, make illegal lane changes on the highway and call me with stupid questions about why insurance doesn't cover anything, but in the grand scheme of things, it's improving, little by little. Hairy eyeball at the fat guy blocking the drive or not........
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